Experiences.

You know that feeling where what you just experienced you will remember forever and/or it will have/play a big part in your life? Well I have had such an experience ladies and gentlemen. I have more purpose to my life. I know that what I do makes a difference but I still want to live just long enough to make a difference in just that one person's life. That could keep them from making a decision so small as to either a ham or turkey sandwich or something as big as not committing suicide that day. I want to know about it. I want my life to mean something not just to me but to other people. I want to stop being so nagging to everyone. I want to be happy. And I am going to be. I choose to be happy. My crazy choir teacher always gives us students crap because we never have any expressions cause we are all high school students and don't give a poop about anything/anyone but ourselves. We are all very selfish. But anyway she gives us crap about that and she asks us how we go throughout our day like that? How do we live like that she asks us. And to tell you the truth I have no idea. People are so "chill" sometimes that they don't understand that their definition of being "chill" has turned out to be them actually not caring..AT ALL. They go through life and think that what they contribute or don't contribute is "good enough". Well its not. If everyone had that mentality the world would suck to live in. There would be no fun and everyone would be high off of some kind of retarded drug. I'm glad for bubbly happy people (most of the time). I am glad for the movie Stranger Than Fiction. Will Farrell does a great job in that movie. I am grateful for Bavarian sugar cookies.

Be the best!

So back for some more therapy. I love my little sister. She has this massive brain that has some amazing ideas, like just now she asked me who came up with stick people. Who comes up with stuff like that? She has been the most brilliant child of my parents yet. For example my mother bought her of 374 page book and she finished it in less then 8 hours. Now is that not brilliance ladies and gentlemen? My sister the master reader, and the funniest girl when we get going...Another that I love/hate is that we laugh the exact same. When we watch movies together we laugh so loud and in sync that it sounds like one person is laughing. Its quite humorous but at times I hate it. Cause I am not a very happy person at times. But aren't we all? I was watching/listening to, my favorite movie, Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium this weekend and I found out another reason why I love it so much. Cause Mr Magorium is so funny. He says the most random comments. But in the end he was the smartest of them all and knew all that was going to happen. I think that we all can think of someone who we look up to. If its you mom, dad, grandma, that person who helps someone in need, or just the guy who picks up trash that lying on the floor. Well you know that feeling you feel when you find out they aren't the person you thought they were? The horrible feeling of being let down. Thinking that person will always be there for you, no matter what the consequence for them or you. And then later realizing that they aren't at all you super hero? Well, you could be that person to someone else. Think about it..So be the best person you can no matter what! Cause someone is always watching you, So be the best you can be. Make sure that you are living just long enough to change some one's life. I heard this quote once that said "To the world you may be one person but to one person you may be the world." That was a wise person. A wise person indeed.

I'm Back...ish.

Well Ladies and Gentlemen I have been very very much a slacker lately. I have not written in..a while. And here is my theories from now on. I did this blog mainly cause it was therapeutic to write and get out all that I was feeling and to the lucky few that I actually told about it they would read and understand where I'm coming from a little bit more then any other Tom, Dick and Harry. So since I haven't been writing lately is because I don't need to much therapy so I am deciding right now that you are my therapy blog. I still want to call you just long enough, cause it is a sick name, but also because I still have the same ideals about life in general I still want to live just long enough to make difference. Just now I won't write about it everyday..unless I have a major crisis and I totally thinking about making this anonymous. In fact I think I might..but yeah anyway, I have took the stupid plunge and am going to homecoming with Richard. A boy that I have known FOREVER! and has also liked me FOREVER, so I figured I would go with him, he is a sweetheart, and it is going to be alot of fun especially since we are going with a fun group! So that is the most recent/big news. My dress is blue and flowy. (I made sure it was flowy so that I don't look too fat. Great right?) But you know that feeling that you are going to make someone else jealous? Haha well I feel that way..only sometimes though, I think I genuinely want to go, but it is going to be a lot of fun to look hott in front of a certain someone. You know you all have done it, wanted to make someone jealous, even if it has been...4 weeks. But I really am ok now when I think about him I don't get that stupid feeling in the pit of my stomach. I use to get that all the time anytime I would even think about it. and It freakin sucks. Now though, it doesn't matter cause I am OVER IT! A wise women once told me to put the word "next" on my mirror the day Nicklas broke up with me I put it right up there, and it has defiantly given me strength. Well keep it up people. Stay strong. Heck stay alive, and you'll be doing great. Till next time.

Good Girls.

It rained all day today. It was marvelous. Today was a great day. It rained the perfect amount and lunch was good today, I went this a boy named Andrew and he makes me laugh..but then again most things do. Its good I think. Life is better when you laugh I think. I love people who are funny. They make my days. People who laugh are worth getting to know. (Unless they are dumb and make it a phoney laugh, cause those people suck.) But anyway I got to go to church tonight and I really like being able to just sit there and talk with the girls. They really are wonderful. Ok I am pooped. I am sorry. Tomorrow's will be better. Till Tomorrow.

This is a confusing post. If you understand...Contact me.

Well hello, Today I was thinking of a good thing to blog about and I am going to talk about it today, So you know how on people's facebook/myspace/twitter etc. on their "about me" sections they list about themselves (Obviously). And you can pick out what kind of a person they are by that one section. (Pretty much there are always exceptions though). I think that people who describe themselves as "different" or..an "individual", that it is bull. Everyone has friends...and usually your friends are like yourself. That is why you are friends with them. I have noticed that people who are different are the quiet ones..who no one knows cause they don't talk. That is why they are different, but still there are a lot of "quiet people" so there are still a group of those! The catch is..even though they say they are "Different" "Special" "An Individual" they all have something in common the fact that we cling onto things/people/places etc. whether it be their mother, their best friend, their cat, or just seeing a that one person each day. We all need to be loved. Its a human need not want, need. So that is why we are all the same..deep down, some are deeper then others. But still we all want love. And seriously? Who wouldn't its the best! The individuality part comes right underneath the surface of a person. What they like, what they dislike, their favorite of things, stuff like that. Also the way we express what is right underneath the surface is our differences. And we cling onto to the people that share those interests. I feel a little bit confused...ha! If you can understand this post then I think we need to meet. Cause you need to help me sort out my life, there are just too many things for me to think about! and I need to sort out my priorities. But I hope you do understand what I am trying to say. Till tomorrow.

Bloody Noses.

I love my family. They all are just so funny it makes my life. My dad has got the funniest humor ever...when he is happy. When we all get together my mom and the rest of us are so loud that my dad usually doesn't have to say anything but when he does decide to talk it is so funny, and we all just die laughing. All us kids have some kind of traits from both of our parents and some of us clash with either our mom or dad. Ashley, My little sister definitely is more like my mom. She even looks like her. Its crazy. My brother Joe is just like my father. They both have this weird love for plants and things like that. My other brother Tanner is like my mom and dad...he's lazy like my mom and brilliant like my dad. But he has my mom good traits too. The fact that he can be patient..(sometimes) that is like my mom. I am like my dad alot..I like plant thingys..kinda. But I act like my mom sometimes, and it blows my mind. And I hate it. But anyway, tonight my brother Joe came over and we played games, well they played games and I watched it was only a 4 player game..and I didn't really feel like playing but I had to watch. Cause its "family night". But its ok cause these nights are great. I read this quote once it said, " The family is a haven in a heartless world" I love quotes. They can explain my life when nothing else can...except music. There are so many quotes in the world that I could say and it would be perfect! Well today was a normal day..the only adventure I had was a bloody nose during lunch! I was just sitting there in the car with my friend, Miranda and she was just about to hand me my half price creamslush (Which I love!) and you know that feeling that something wet and watery is coming out of your nose and you know that blood is coming out of your nose so you rapidly throw your head back thinking that would stop the blood coming out of your nose but then it runs down your throat? Well that happened today. It was a wonderful experience. Which reminds me of another bloody nose story. And I am going to enlighten you with it:
It was one of the original family outings with the whole family in the car going..somewhere, I was sitting in one of the middle seats and Tanner was sitting in the back sleeping with his head facing up and his mouth wide open (you see where this is going) well yep! He got a bloody nose and he shot out a bunch of blood onto my neck! Well that didn't go over too well with me so we had a great little talk about sleeping with your mouth open. But anyway that is my adventure for the day, I got the blood on my shirt but my friend Miranda was a great friend and took me to her house and let me borrow a shirt. Thank goodness for nice people. Till tomorrow.

Stupid Dream.

You know that icky feeling you get when you have had a fever and then it breaks and since you were so cold before you had put on all the blankets and such so your sitting there sweating profusely and you are so freaking tired that you don't want to take off the blankets so you just try and get some rest, but your so hot that you can't do anything so eventually you get up enough strength to take the blankets off, or you just had to go to the bathroom. Well I hate that feeling. And it hasn't happened to me in a while, and I have no idea why I brought it up but I just hate it. And I wanted to make you think about how happy you are that is not happening to you right now. And if it is...I'm really sorry. That sucks.

Ok, onto a more happier note, I got to go Utah, My haven, this weekend and I absolutely loved it. It gives me hope to go on with my life when I go there. But also there are things there that discourage me..but isn't that how it is everywhere? but lets not dwindle on the bad but let us focus on the GOOD! So, I got to hang out with David, Bryan and My brother Tanner. They all live up in Idaho but came down for the weekend to hang with me. And it was a blast. They are probably the funniest, coolest, most legit people I know. And I needed to hang out with them this weekend. They were just what I needed. I am not fully ready yet, but I am getting close.
Ok, so I have a story, my mom and I were talking about it on the way home tonight actually. So you know when you have those dreams that seem so real at the time and even when you wake up it takes you a couple hours to get back into the mode you were in when you went to bed? Well, I had one of those dreams, now mind you it was a wonderful dream, but it was something that really did NOT needed to be brought up at this time. It was actually last night that this magnificent dream happened. I dreamed that I was back with my ex, and I was probably the happiest I had been in a looong time. But when I woke up I was thinking to myself how lucky I was to be with someone like Nicklas and if he would call today or if I should call him and leave him a cute voicemail and all this freakin crap! It wasn't until I was in the shower and I realized oh...ohh...ohhh my gosh! (not singing the song). And I just sat there for a minute first of all thinking how mean that was for my brain to do that to me. Second of all I was thinking I am happy now, there really is no need for me to be sad about something in the past. There is a part in Kung Fu Panda when the turtle (whom I love!). Says, "Yesterday was history, tomorrow is a mystery but todaaaaay is a gift. That is why its is called the present." I love that quote because it is oh so very true. While my mom and I were in Utah we went shopping at this really cool village thing and found another quote there by Abraham Lincoln (Good ole' Abe), it was on a little plaque thing and my mom bought it for me but it says "I will prepare myself and someday my time will come." Such wisdom in that man. We all need to just prepare..that is what we do all our lives anyway. and either we take our shot or we miss it. So be prepared guys lets make our difference! Till tomorrow

By the way I know I missed but I figured I can miss two every three months. Sound fair? oaky doaky!