Math Blues.

I am trying my hardest to stay awake in my math class right now and I think I fell asleep twice with my mouth wide open. Goodness. So I thought I would write.

But before we start I just hope that the person who I am writing this for actually reads this. He most likely will not but I hope he does. I have mentioned him before. He knows who he is. And if I had to choose one thing that I am good at is writing about "break-ups". So, here we go.

Let me first give you some background on this momentous event. Mckenon. (Yeah, I'm just going to say it.) if you had read the ones before you would know my ideas on him. After I wrote that last one Mallorie Lane came in and asked me promptly why I had written about him in the past tense, and to tell you all the truth, I never thought it would last. I never thought he could settle. I was thinking (shocker there huh?) that I have never, ever had a boyfriend. Isn't that sad? I never got to change my facebook status, I have never been able to say I was "dating" someone I was always just "talking" or some chaunt like that. How depressing, but the saddest thing is that most girls I know, are like me. And if their not they're either pregnant or scarred cause they made a horrible choice. Now I am not complaining. My life has been pretty darn fabulous, but one can always dream right? I mean that's what we're here for!

Now, back to the story. Mckenon and I really are, sorry were, great together. We were fun, he knew things that I liked and he would do them, he I thought at least at times that needed me. That was the thing though I never completely knew. But the thing is, is I feel that way about every guy I have been with. But every time there is a catch; I like them more than they like me. This didn't happen every time but the time that it didn't I would lose interest. Freaking Sucks. Ha! So I just gotta get this out.

Good ol' Mckenon and I aren't what we were two nights ago. I have no idea what happened. I just started talking and last night, and ended up losing...whatever the heck we were. At times I get super frustrated thinking about it, but I think again and I am very happy. Really. I know that all this stuff is happening for some stinking reason. It might completely blow. But it's happening, and I know that I'll be totally great. Which I am! I mean gosh, I already have a date tonight! But I know I will miss him and I wonder if he was the one..but I don't wonder too much. Haha. In the end it's all up to the man, at least in all my experiences. In this case Mckenon could have had me. End of story. But I think I knew deep down that he could never settle for someone like me. I am not bashing myself at all. I love myself and am happy by the way I have turned out but Mckenon...and I. I guess all this doesn't matter at this point hahaha. So why ponder.

This is what I want. I want to tell someone that I don't want them, but not take no for an answer. I want a movie moment. I want someone to just fight for me. Sometimes I think I just push them away just so that they will fight. That's it. I just want a fighter.

I am Chelsea Applegate, I have been broken hearted waayyyy to many times. I am going on a date tonight and I am going to have fun.

But can't life just turn out my way sometime?

It's coming. I feel it.

Bo Bo Richard Applegate

I remember when I would write these blogs when a friend died. Or a grandmother..those are people who are very very important to us; to some people more important than others. But I now know their pain.

Joseph Richard Applegate. Bo Bo. Hobo Joe. Jojo. My oldest brother. A friend. A son. Left this earth saturday night. My brother is one of those people who you feel like would pull something like this to just mess with you. If I hadn't seen him myself in the hospital and felt his hands all puffy and swollen. I would not believe it myself. The last time I saw Bo was when I was saying goodbye to head off to college, the first time I said bye to him he didn't hug me cause that is the way we were. My mom use to say that we were oil and water. But we invited them to Applebee's before I left and of course Bo was there. Fat kid. We hugged before I left the second time. Then on the 15th I called him for his birthday, and, me being a college kid I had no idea it was 11:15 at night and Bo had gone to bed but he answered thank goodness! He was very angry though. I told him I loved him and happy birthday. He said "Love you." And then promptly hung up.

My brother was not a man of very many words. He was my father in a younger version. Joe loved to work. Sometimes he was kind of scary to work with; he gets frustrated, but he was happy to have help when he worked. Bo loved to board. Longboarding was his past time. He got so many concussions on that thing. I remember one time he built a jump for the kids in the neighborhood, but of course joe had to use it. He was in the hospital that night with a huge concussion. Also his wife and I would go with a bunch of friends and just cruise around at night. Those were always so nice and relaxing. Snowboarding was my thing with bo. He was addicted. He would think of any excuse to get up on the mountain and my dad loved being with both of us, so he would take Bo quite often and he couldn't have been happier. We would get on the lift and he would sing, loudly! for the whole mountain to hear. We talked about things on the lift. He was always happy when we were snowboarding. He never washed his hair before we went so he would have to take off his helmet and scratch his head cause his hair was so disgusting. ha! It was really good stuff.

There are so many memories that we have with Bo. It is another thing to be close to losing someone cause Joe had done that as well. But to actually lose them. It's a very surreal thing. Something that I would never want anyone to go through. I love my brother, and I will the rest of my life. He is in a better place, and that gives people some comfort, but people are selfish and we think of ourselves and we are stuck here. Without him. That is the part that freaking sucks. I know that Bo and I will be united again. I have never doubted that.

I know I may be biased saying this but, my family is a family who CAN do this. I have never seen us all pull together like this. Now don't get me wrong life sucks for us right now and we have our moments when we just fall apart. But we have more moments of Joe happiness.

I love my brother. I will miss him more than people can imagine.

But life isn't what you imagine it would be I guess. There are people around you that are dying to help. Just look around for the good in life. It is there. I promise.

My brother would find it. I know that he is happy where he is. That is the biggest plus in this whole situation..

I love you Bo Bo. Keep up the monkey dance. We'll join you soon. You silly boy.