Life sucks.

I have been thinking about writing this for a very long time..well actually it's been 3 days. But these are the kind of days that feel like years. I am starting this at college. My lovely wonderful college bubble that I have been privileged to stay in for this horrific experience. I would never want anyone to go through what I have been going through up here, at least not without the two people that I have gotten to associate with during this time.

Mallorie Lane Hakanson. She and I...clicked the second we met. She was the only persons name I can remember, cause when you first get to college everyone you talk to is new, so there are about a million names, but Mal's, her's I just retained. I have no idea why and then she started quoting the movie Hoodwinked and we've been inseparable ever since. During this time of my brother, I...needed a girl to act just like I would in this situation and she fit that perfectly. She never told me that it was going to be okay when it wasn't at the time, she just knew when not to talk and when to talk. She knew how to get me to laugh and shrug it off when I needed to. Mal is among the greats in my life. Thank you Mal. For being such a stubborn butt, for telling me Grandma Carol stories, for watching the OC, for being in my life when it was such a mess. but for cleaning it up (;

Mckenon Victor Abreu. That should just say it all. He is one of those people who you don't care where he is you want to be with him. Not like romantically or anything he is one big ball of happiness. People had said that about me at times and I never had met any guy like that yet. But Mckenon, he is better. Everyone in the world needs a Mckenon. Even if they don't like him (which I do(: hehe) they just need one around. He never let me feel..too sad. It's understandable to be depressed, cause that is how life goes sometimes but in this case it was hard to feel that way with him around and like I said I was in a bubble. And I am still enjoying this bubble, very much. I will never really be able to express my gratitude to him. He was heaven sent while I had him. I hope he knows how much he meant to me during that time and how much he did help, not even by doing anything. That's how magical he was. Never thought I would meet somebody like that. Glad I have. Thank you. 

College Morning.

I am writing to you all on the morning of me leaving for college. I don't think that anyone really can prepare for this moment. I have been truly freaking out the past couple days. But there are things that I have learned in the past 18 years.

1) I love my sister.
2) I love my parents.
3) I am very much a procrastinator
3) I don't function very well when pressure is applied to me.
4) I tend to miss people a little to much.
5) I love The Gospel.
6) I love Laken.
7) I love every person who has helped get to this point in my life. (which is pretty much every person I have spoken to)
8) I need to just breathe.
9) I love my brother.
10) I love my brother and his wife very much.
11) I Chelsea Sara Applegate, am going to do amazing things at college.

It's hard to believe that my sister is just going to be at school or a hobo is going to just go on begging for food like he does everyday, or some random person is going to go to work maybe cheat on his wife or maybe not. But whatever it is. Only a couple people realize this massive change that I am about to go through. I know that its for the best too. Thanks.

Thoughts, Thoughts, Thoughts/Boy Front.

Well, I am leaving. I am officially packing. It feels so weird, and awesome. I see all these pics of everyone at college and it kinda freaks me out. I am afraid I am either going to have that and feel super weird, or I will not have that at all and feel like a freakin loser. Ha. Stupid thoughts. Sometimes I wish I could just shut them off!

So my dad informed me last week that in december if I don't have money for the next semester then I don't go to school. This was after a week with my friends (pretty much meaning spending lots of money) anyway I feel like I have been had! Here I am thinking that oh my parents will be there for me. They are but I understand where they are coming from, and I mean isn't that what college is all about? Being dirt poor and never having food? haha well, that is going to happen. I feel it. I am excited to be poor.

The boy front. Is still there. Suck. It sucks. I call it a front for a reason. There are about..3 kinda 4 soldiers that I have to fight with in my head. Sometimes it is nice to have them there like on the nights, when..well ya know. And I loved that life for a while..but now I am getting just so..tired of it. I like each and everyone of these people. But I am leaving. Thank goodness. One of them I want to take with  me. One of them I love but I can't. (I saw him yesterday, it was like a stabbing that I could barely handle. Gosh I sound like freakin bella. :P) Two of them went to school at NMSU. One of them I worked with all summer. And one of them is on a mission. Oh gosh. I sound like an idiot. Soon I will be on the road to new adventure! And I can find new boy soldiers to fight with there. People keep telling me that I am going to get married. Oh, I hope that doesn't happen. I am so afraid of that too. But ya know what? My fears can suck it.

Getting back to the purpose of this post. I think its mostly about thoughts, and how we let it rule our lives. I have been watching Doctor Who, recently (it is so addicting, it's like a drug.) And The Doctor, never takes what is put in front of him. He turns things into what he wants them. Now I am not saying that everything you can change, but MOST things you can try at least, and sometimes that is enough. I am trying to take everything is given me recently and mold it into what I need. Not want, but need. They are two completely different things. I love thoughts, but someday they will be the death of me, or of a relationship. Don't let thoughts control you people. Make a difference. (I sound so cheesy. But I love it!)