College Morning.

I am writing to you all on the morning of me leaving for college. I don't think that anyone really can prepare for this moment. I have been truly freaking out the past couple days. But there are things that I have learned in the past 18 years.

1) I love my sister.
2) I love my parents.
3) I am very much a procrastinator
3) I don't function very well when pressure is applied to me.
4) I tend to miss people a little to much.
5) I love The Gospel.
6) I love Laken.
7) I love every person who has helped get to this point in my life. (which is pretty much every person I have spoken to)
8) I need to just breathe.
9) I love my brother.
10) I love my brother and his wife very much.
11) I Chelsea Sara Applegate, am going to do amazing things at college.

It's hard to believe that my sister is just going to be at school or a hobo is going to just go on begging for food like he does everyday, or some random person is going to go to work maybe cheat on his wife or maybe not. But whatever it is. Only a couple people realize this massive change that I am about to go through. I know that its for the best too. Thanks.

Thoughts, Thoughts, Thoughts/Boy Front.

Well, I am leaving. I am officially packing. It feels so weird, and awesome. I see all these pics of everyone at college and it kinda freaks me out. I am afraid I am either going to have that and feel super weird, or I will not have that at all and feel like a freakin loser. Ha. Stupid thoughts. Sometimes I wish I could just shut them off!

So my dad informed me last week that in december if I don't have money for the next semester then I don't go to school. This was after a week with my friends (pretty much meaning spending lots of money) anyway I feel like I have been had! Here I am thinking that oh my parents will be there for me. They are but I understand where they are coming from, and I mean isn't that what college is all about? Being dirt poor and never having food? haha well, that is going to happen. I feel it. I am excited to be poor.

The boy front. Is still there. Suck. It sucks. I call it a front for a reason. There are about..3 kinda 4 soldiers that I have to fight with in my head. Sometimes it is nice to have them there like on the nights, when..well ya know. And I loved that life for a while..but now I am getting just so..tired of it. I like each and everyone of these people. But I am leaving. Thank goodness. One of them I want to take with  me. One of them I love but I can't. (I saw him yesterday, it was like a stabbing that I could barely handle. Gosh I sound like freakin bella. :P) Two of them went to school at NMSU. One of them I worked with all summer. And one of them is on a mission. Oh gosh. I sound like an idiot. Soon I will be on the road to new adventure! And I can find new boy soldiers to fight with there. People keep telling me that I am going to get married. Oh, I hope that doesn't happen. I am so afraid of that too. But ya know what? My fears can suck it.

Getting back to the purpose of this post. I think its mostly about thoughts, and how we let it rule our lives. I have been watching Doctor Who, recently (it is so addicting, it's like a drug.) And The Doctor, never takes what is put in front of him. He turns things into what he wants them. Now I am not saying that everything you can change, but MOST things you can try at least, and sometimes that is enough. I am trying to take everything is given me recently and mold it into what I need. Not want, but need. They are two completely different things. I love thoughts, but someday they will be the death of me, or of a relationship. Don't let thoughts control you people. Make a difference. (I sound so cheesy. But I love it!)

Time.

I just finished reading Perks of Being a Wallflower.

And I have to say that it taught me many things. One is that I need to be in the moments that I create. I need to not think of the future so much, and especially not my past. It's hard to have a real life if all you do is live in the past. Just like Timon and Pumba said, "You gotta put your past behind you." and "Hakuna Matata" But I was feeling weird after I read the book cause I imagined all my past relationships and I wondered if they thought about things like I do. Sometimes I imagine that I am just this lonely girl who is very pathetic and just thinks. When I hung out with my friend he always use to say that I thought way to much, and it use to bug me that he said that..but I think about it (Ironic) and I know that I do but that it's just the way I am. I have always been that way, I don't necessarily think about what people think about me, but just in general and in this book the main character does that all the time! And in the end the girl he has loved the whole time told him that he needs to start taking control and do what he wants. So he kisses her. It was very sweet and nice.

Like I was saying though, I felt very sentimental tonight I know that I am leaving in a few short weeks and I was beginning to think about all the times I have had here in this town. All the people that have affected my life. I know it is kinda creepy but I went to a couple of their houses just to look and enjoy. I went to a couple ex's. I loved being able to just sit and think. I like slowing down. I enjoy what it does to your body. I am a very rushed person in general. I do my best work when I do that sometimes. But in this case I went to man's house who I still to this day am not completely sure about. You your first "love" well, he wasn't a love I feel like he is just there. I know that he always will be and that is what eats at me the most I think. I know that he loves me too..but it is so stinking complicated that I just rid myself of it completely. I hope someday that he and I could be what we were before we became what had hoped for..forever. But I do love him and I loved being with the guy.

Anyway what this post mostly is about is that of time. I know it is one of the hardest thing to understand. But I hope that all of us realize how fragile it is. Whether you think it be fast or even deathly slow, it is always going no matter what. It is the one that that you know will go the same speed will always be moving and will always be there. Use it wisely. Seriously. It is one of the most taken for granted things on this earth as well. I am going to now try to use it no matter what, even if it's just lying around, sometimes you need that. But only sometimes you be the judge of your time. And I hope you realize the potential that you have. I wish everyone would realize that. It would make the world so much more productive and it would be nice to live here.

To quote the words of Ferris: "Life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop to look around once and a while you might miss it."

Happiness

Ooo, everything's so different now! It's all so beautiful.


Hello to my loyal readers! Haha to bad there aren't any huh? Oh well, I'm sure there are about a million people who are like me. They just write. Because..well they can. I once heard this quote that said, "Sometimes I grab my boobs, because...well, because I can." Totally. That happens more than once a day. It's very nice to know things are just there. It brings me joy. More joy than I could ever imagine. Really I can't imagine it. Because you know the old saying, "You never realize how much you love something until it's gone." That saying is the story of my life. I can't even imagine the things that we take for granted everyday. I watched this show a couple days ago. And it talked about a boy who had heard about third world countries and of course we all think "well that is too bad, I wish I could do more" Until you actually go to those places and you see the things that are actually happening. I can't even imagine. Again. Things that we take for granted in a day:
1) Well that I can sleep, some people suffer insomnia now I'm not always the best sleeper but I do sleep. Very nicely.
2) I have a home/bed/pillow/sheets/comforter/my own room to wake up to, all of those things there are people who...let's just say don't get to enjoy those luxuries.
3) I have wonderful food to eat. I have all the cereal I could ever want, in the morning. I have ramen, ham and cheese sandwiches and more recently my mom does take us out to dinner. So the food is very very well taken care (a little too much at times).
4) Electronics. Oh my. Well I have a cell phone (not a smart phone but still) I have an iPod touch that can get wifi (which is everywhere now!) I have a macbook air, my mom has three computers have a laptop that I share with my little sister, I have really nice head phones, I have a couple more laptops at my disposal at home, I have a school laptop, My family has two iPads. And with cameras? You don't even want to know. Lets just say I have been blessed when it comes to electronics.
5) My snowboards. I have one that I need to sell cause it's too short for everyday riding but I can let my friends borrow it when I want to take them. And I have my baby. I look at it every morning and it brings me strength. That all is well in the world as long as snowboarding is, somewhere, going on.
6) Family, and I don't just have them I have a loving, supportive, caring, family. Something that is very hard to find in these days. I hope I have never taken them for granted but sometimes I know I do. And it is very hard at times to see the good, but if I really think about it? I could find SO many good things that it would over power the bad. Especially when I think about some of the people I know, and how they grew up or how their lives have been. It's hard to remember that all the time though.
7) Education. Something that really not every country allows. I know that "school is dumb" but really? Come on guys, at least we have a learn abilities! and we can read and write. Look at it this way, if you fail at least you tried right?
8) Friend. I have a friend that I could..count on no matter what. I had never had a friend like that, expect my family since like sophomore year. And it is very nice to be able to rely on someone like that again.
9) My attitude. I think that overall my outlook on life is never going to change. I know that no matter how much chaunt I go through that things will be alright in the end. And I just gotta get through the hard times with a smile on my face. It's so hard at times. But really life? Its...wonderful. So wonderful.


I hope if you actually read my posts that you don't think I'm some dumb high schooler who needs somewhere to rant so she goes online. No. I really hope that through theses posts that someone somewhere reads them and is just..inspired! I want people like you guys to realize the potential each and every one of you have! So go out there and find it! But first, be happy. Its the best step in the right direction.

Life is Precious

Hello. Yet again my life has been changed. I have been feeling under the weather recently but you wouldn't know that from how I come off cause I keep cool and composed, and I have always remained like this ever since I can remember. I know that things for me have been easy, but everything is relative. I know that I have been blessed and that I have more things than some people dream of. But really? I mean sometimes life just throws big wads of crap right at your face and you are forced to just take it.

Today I learned of a suicide in neighboring town, I first heard about this death from my mom because they had called her in search of a picture I guess we had taken of him a few days before he died. Then I found out an hour later that it was a friend of our family. He was my little sister's first crush and I had talked to him and his older brother so many times. He was a good friend I had thought, and a good, happy boy. But I guess things aren't what they seem. And what an awful way to find these things out. This was a huge disgusting piece of crap that was flung at me square in the face. I had been reading this book called Thirteen Reasons Why, It's about this girl named Hannah who kills herself and send thirteen tapes to the people who helped her get to the point of killing herself, and now as I read I think to myself...how many kids does this happen to? What do they do about it? How do they cope with their pain? And the most important question I should ask is what can I do about it? I know that I shouldn't blame myself or anyone else for a death. They choose in the end. But people rely on other people too much. From Facebook, to reading magazines, to movies, TV shows, just immersing ourselves in other people's reality's that we forget to look around at all the is going on around us. All that we can do.

Daniel was a great kid. From what I knew of his parents and home life I would say it was just like mine, and knowing that really scares me. Knowing that a kid in the same predicament as me could actually be capable of taking his own life...But what if he wasn't and no one knew about it? What if he didn't open up to anyone and felt completely alone having the horrible things in life just stick out in his mind and have him forget all the good things that I'm sure were there cause I had seen them with my own eyes. What do you do then? How do you fix something like this?

In my religion I know without a doubt in my mind that I am going to see everyone who dies again. I know it. I know that when I die that I will see my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, and my Grandparents, and their grandparents, and My friend. I know this. But how do I know that all of his loved ones do? How do you comfort them?

Life...its something precious. I know he knew that. And sometimes bad things happen. But from what I know about life..is that it goes on. No matter how much you think you can't go on there is always someone that will help you.

I will never forget that.

Remember, to the world you may be just one person, but to just one person you may be the world.

Inanimate Objects.

It's getting colder! Oh my, it is wonderful! Well I chopped off my hair recently, and when I say chopped I mean chopped 17 inches I gave away to locks of love. It was a really good feeling at first I was a bit shocked after growing that out for two whole years I felt like I was cutting a piece of me off...but then I was thinking, no its not. Its just dead cells on my head that will grow back cause my hair is a beast. Huge and thick. Won't curl. Won't straighten completely without being all statiticy the rest of the day. Its ok though, cause I do love my hair.

Isn't that weird how we human's get attached to things that..really in the whole scheme of things mean absolutely nothing. The things I am attached to I have shared a bond with, either because they represent something or someone. Like my record player for instance, I love that thing so much because first of all its a record player! so legit. and second it belonged to a wonderful women who meant a lot to me, my grandmother. Also it originally went to my brother who I also love and admire so there are two people tied into an inanimate object. My bed is next, I absoultely love my bed. I love the creeks it makes when I crawl in and out of it. I love the comforter I have on it that hasn't just kept me warm but has given me hope and comfort in times when I needed it. My room. For all the things I have gone through in it. Sneaking out, (not the best but kids will be kids), freaking out in it, cause of something someone said/did. My snowboard. Its a symbol of the one thing in life I love with all my heart. Everything about snowboarding is just perfect. Some of my clothes. There are those shirts that you would wear everyday cause the guy you liked told you that was his favorite or you just got a lot of compliments the day you wore it. The pants that make you butt look just right. A stuffed animal that reminds you of old times. I have a lot of those (don't judge you know you do too, and you can't bring yourself to get rid of them). All the memorabilia that I have collected over my years of life. which hang on my wall and remind me of good times. My house. Things have happened here that I will never forget. My grandma's house. She use to call it Conci. Cause it was a condominian and she would refer to it as her conscience, after her wonderful husband passed away. So many great times were spent in ol' Conci. Something you create, especially if you are very proud of it. Like a project for school or just something you drew or made up and was very proud of. You feel very attached to them and would only give them to people who meant a lot to you, or the person you made it for. They may never understand how much it meant to you but you will.

All these things are just inanimate objects and will eventually not be there anymore and yet...sometimes they are the things that keep me going. Why is that? Why do we put so much into them? You know. I really have no idea. I don't think it matters. We do it..and always will. Maybe that will be something I ask when I die. (I need to make a list of that). But I am glad we have them. Very glad. I think they are there to remind us of the memories we make with them. Cause when we die, we are taken nothing with us except our knowledge. So why not refresh it every once and a while.

So thanks inanimate objects that help me get through life. Your the best.

Enduring.

So you know those days that you just feel sad? Well, my mom and I decided that I "thrive on sadness" and why you ever would just want to be sad baffles me. I have my beliefs on why we are here as we all do. and I know what I know is right as do most people but really? Must we be so mean about our beliefs? In high school (which it seems like everything boils down to at least for me), things for people is the end of the world. For those people out there who say they don't care. Your just kidding yourselves people, if you didn't care about anything then you would never be seen, cause even a bum cares about something like getting money for..that next beer or meal. So I guess you need to specify about what you don't care about. I was reading these quotes today, and you know that feeling when your just starting to like a person, and you can't get them out of your head..? If people cared like that about everything the world be such a better place! Now think back on this last week. Was it good? and what does good mean to you? productive? Did you get what you wanted done? What would you have done differently. I was very pleased with my last week probably cause we didn't have the hell hole we call school on friday so my mother and I went to Utah to do something a lot more productive, babysit my little cousins. We did service for my family. And how much more satisfaction I got out of that was astronomical, Life is to be enjoyed not endured. -Gordan B Hinkley said that. He was an amazing man, and I'm sure he looked back on most of his life and was happy that he didn't just endure those moments but enjoyed them. Lets enjoy our life people. Don't get caught up in the moments that you must endure, cause you have no other options. Try your hardest all anyone could ask.