My Testimony.

Another thing I wanted to talk about is my love for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This too, has become very prevalent this semester. I know, without any skepticism that the gospel is the only aspect that actually has impact on the rest of my eternity. Keeping this idea, has gotten me through some hard times. I know that my Savior, Jesus Christ, is always there for me. Not just there, but more than willing to help me through any struggle I encounter in my life. And He can do this through the Atonement, where He suffered in Gethsemane and on the cross for me. And with every shred of my soul I want to repay Him for that, not just because He did it for me, but because He did also for Mom, Dad, Ashley, Tanner, Laken, Joe, (especially Joe), my future husband, my future kids and all those people who mean more than the world to me. And the way I am going to attempt to repay my Redeemer is to always try to be the child of God I know I can be. Thomas S. Monson is the prophet of this church, He's the seer and revelatory leader for everyone on this earth. The words he speaks to us are nothing shorter than the very words that Heavenly Father gives us to hear and live by. I also know The Book of Mormon can fill you with the kind of peace anyone and everyone is looking for in their life. The reason for this is because it is the most perfectly accurate book ever written. The Book of Mormon, I know, is the Word of God, and if I truly apprehend all it contains, then I will be able to return to my Father in Heaven and live with Him and my brother, Jesus Christ for the rest of eternity, which would be the truest and greatest gift ever entrusted to me. The gospel of Jesus Christ, is the only thing that matters people. It is the only way we are going to have the fullest and most joyous life we were created to attain.

I hope you all take to heart what your Father in Heaven has done for you. That you realize your potential as a Child of God. You have been given SO much. Why waist it by complaining about what you may not have. Remember you have your Father who, through Him, ALL things are possible. I know this to be true, and I say this in the name of my brother, and Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.

This Semester..

Good morning. This morning I woke craving to write a post, so here I am! However, I am not going to be writing about things I don't understand. Which right now is boys. So! I am going to write about everything else that is going on in my life.

Thanksgiving was a few weeks ago, I seriously hadn't been so homesick in my entire life. I just missed being with my sissy, and parents. I missed being able to just talk with my dad, hearing his football stories, or how he is trying his hardest to love me. I know he does, and I love him for that. So thanksgiving this year was spent in our home away from home, Utah. It was a great break for me. I knew that part of me was just dreading going back to school, not necessarily the actual being here (even though it dropped down to like -11 and there is a crap ton of snow everywhere) but the school work aspect. My head has been barely above the icy waters of homework this whole semester, but like it or not, I am here, and I am determined to make the best out of this wonderfully ridiculous situation I have gotten myself into with school.

Regardless, I have chosen what I, Chelsea Sara Applegate, will be doing the rest of my life. I will be....wait for it....a landscape designer! Ding Ding Ding! We have a winner! I felt like this job is perfect for me. And that more importantly, the hand of the Lord was in choosing it for me. I know that I am going to do great things with this job! I can feel it! I want to minor in Statistics so that I can get a little head start on maybe the business side of the job. This decision, I feel very confident with which is fantastic, because lately my decision making skills have been waining...

I love my roommates this semester too, I felt like I was going to be a bit distant from them all, but I have been kind of with everyone this semester. But I know that Heavenly Father put these girls in my apartment for me too learn what I need to. But the girl I needed most was Laken. I am so blessed to have this girl in my life. I know that I have been a deadbeat roommate, but she has let me rise to the occasions, she knew I needed to. I am sorry I haven't been there as much as I should be Lake, I know that I could have been more selfless in my actions toward you. I love you though, very much.

I hope that those I have hurt this semester will be able to forgive me, for my stupidity. I am trying my hardest to work on myself, just be patient. I'm working I promise. 

Good Thongs Come to Those Who Wait

 Okay. This post needs to be written, and I have been trying to write it for a good week now. But here we go, my best attempt at trying to explain what is happening in my life.

So. David Shannon is no more, my friends. It is for the best...for both of us. He is a wonderful man and will make someone very happy, but I know that that person is not me. I think sometimes I struggle with that concept, but its only natural. It will fade with time. 

Onto my new adventure. New major, new outlook on life, new attitude. I was starting to feel antsy, like something big was coming. Something in a form that I wasn't going to be able to completely understand. I knew that I was destined for greatness and that I am still destined for such greatness, it just came in a form that I wasn't completely prepared for. But I couldn't be happier with the outcome it has given me. 

Lets start at the beginning, cause its a very good place to start, (I know you are singing that song now). So when I came up to school this last semester, I wasn't completely sure how my life was going to pan out. At all. All I knew was that I still had feelings for David Shannon and I knew they weren't going to be reciprocated in a way that I had hoped but I still clung on to that tiny glimpse I had of a relationship with him. So to make a gigantic story short, I tortured myself everyday with the sight of David, trying my hardest to go out of my way to see him, to just get a glimpse of what I thought was suppose to be my future. Eventually I knew I had to stop this agonizing torture I was putting myself through. I knew that it needed to stop. And as soon as possible. So I started looking at the people around me, realizing that if it were to not work out that I was going to be okay. Anyway to make another freaking long story short. I met David Clifton Hartshorn. And this name ladies and gentlemen you best be getting use to. It'll be around for a very long time. I, ironically met this David in science class as well, we both were friends with a guy named Dakoda so we both sat there, and to make ANOTHER long story short I fell for him. Hard. He and I have had more moments of "yes, this is right" then I have had with anyone, I have ever met. I have never felt more connected to someone then him. I know that he is suppose to be here. No doubt in my mind. Now, reading all my past posts and then writing this makes me seem like one of those girls who will fall for every Tom, Dick and Harry, or in this case every David in my science class. But guys...you don't understand, the way I feel has so much more to it this time, it comes in ways that are impossible to describe with mere words. All I know for sure is that my life isn't going to be the same because of this boy. I'm still a little flabbergasted at my actions and feelings, but I could not be happier, and frankly I don't remember ever being this happy with someone in my entire life. Ever. 

So. That was my best way to explain New David. He is very special to me, and means more to me then...many people in my life. I feel...so many things. But the best way for me to explain what I feel for this boy would be sweet, unconditional, love. 

And I thank my Heavenly Father for people like David Clifton Hartshorn, not even for me meeting him but for his existence on this earth. It gives me hope that there are still people like him who impact people everyday. The world is a better place because he walks the earth. 

I must have been doing something right to be blessed with his love. Thank you David. 

Last Letter to David Shannon.

Hi babe,

Well, for a while I was thinking "Okay, I am not going to write or think about him or anything" And I was doing okay there for a while, but ha! did my future lay out something a little different for me. The day you broke it off, a boy from SMYC (the youth camp I did) called me just to talk and make me feel better. I don't think he realized how much I was going through at the time. But now he and I have been talking everyday and he came down and visited me on Friday, and we went on a date. Oh my gosh. I couldn't stop thinking about you David. I missed you more in those moments then I ever thought I would. I know that this probably would make you mad, knowing I am talking to other guys and going on dates with them...but after the date, I came home and my dad was there and he just asked me what the heck I was doing? And ya know? I just broke down and realized that I am doing this to get back at you hun. Get back at you for just not wanting me enough to talk it through, for ignoring me. I also realized that I am doing this because, what you did really took a toll on my esteem. And the boy I had dated before you, you know how awful my esteem was after him. Not for the same reasons, but David, in a way this hurts just as much if not more. I feel so helpless and inadequate. The fact that you can just not have anything to do with me, it makes me ache with pain David, that I don't mean or haven't meant enough to you, that you can just shut it off like a pathetic switch.

Now, these letters may seem a bit harsh and awful. But really? I am okay most of the time. Life still goes on. I am happy when I do the things I know I should. So to be happier, this is my last letter to you David. Everything I feel or am going to feel will be for naught. You aren't ever going to read these and I do not think that you are going to want to put up with me in the future, so this isn't really going along with my theme of making a difference, I love you sweetheart. I really always will. But I may not always need you. I am realizing my potential. I know that I was willing to bring some of my potential, to raise you up. But you weren't willing to receive it, so that is fine with me. I do miss you, all the time, and still think about all that we use to do together. But I know that there is someone out there for both of us, to fulfill our purposes on this earth with. And it may not be each other.

I truly, and sincerely hope that you get what you need out of your life. That you live it to your fullest and not waist one moment of it being stressed, complaining, or just being sad. I whole-heartily believe that you can do anything you want. If you want to be a fireman then be a fireman hun. Don't let money get in your way. You and your wife will still be happy David. I also genuinely know that you can be a dentist. Don't stress so much about it sweetie. It helps nothing. And don't let people tell you that it is okay to stress, cause it is not. It's good to care. There is a big difference. I hope that your wife will be able to help you calm down in those situations. I know that you have astounding things to offer this world David, I've seen them first hand. You love and care passionately for those people you come in contact with, you are the most giving person I have met. Thank you for those things you taught me. The number one thing I am most indebted to you is your patience. It is the thing I am looking for in my future husband, if he has your patience then I will marry him, (unless he's like a mass murder or doesn't like movies haha). But I know that, that is the reason why you stuck around as long as you did. Thank you David.

I love you my sweet, wonderful David Science.




I'm sorry I was not what you were looking for.

Always yours,
Chelisa 

Letters to David.

Hello Dear,

So today for some reason I couldn't get you out of my head, what you were doing, why you are doing it, if you were happy, if you were talking to other girls already, if you have given up, if you just didn't care at all, my list is seriously endless. We were walking around in Balboa Park, and I swear I saw you walk around corners at least three times. I miss you so much. I felt like I was going to see you walk around a corner and see your face. I know the minute I see you it's going to change everything. I know that I am going to go either way. I miss you David. 

I know that right now I need to have been moved on, and started my grieving process, but I love you and my life is going to have to completely change if I need to move on. I have been talking to my family so much about it, and I think I need to just hear your voice to know if I should move on, but the fact that you don't even want to talk make me think that maybe all my pain is in vain. I wish we could talk, but I erased your number so that I wouldn't be tempted. I know that I would have talked to you a long time ago if it was still in my phone. 

You being three hours ahead of me has helped as well, at least its closer for you to maybe call me, text me, send me a smoke signal, something! I am dying over here. And I am more nervous to go home, to be alone. I seriously still feel like I am in another universe, and I hate it. I miss you more than anything sweetheart. I love you. And I hope that you will either tell me this is it, or something. Please just get ahold of me. I love you David James. Please help me move on. I'm sorry that I'm such a loony and that I just make your life harder than it should be. And I understand if you need time, but the longer you wait...the farther I'll drift. I'm sorry. I wish, with all my heart, that I would be able to be with you. 

I love you. 

Always yours,

Chels

Letters to David.

Hey baby,

Today I am feeling a little more human, I love hanging out with the family, and bring in Cali...the weather has kind of sealed the deal for me it has been over cast wherever we go. So that's kind of nice. I am still skinnier than I was when all this started. I do sit ups and crunches and such at night but haven't been recently due to my body literally falling apart, but I need to start doing those again.
My sister asked me if I was going to talk to you when I go back up to school again, and you know what? I had no idea what to say to her. I knew that there was a big part of me that wanted to say heck yes and that we were going to date and get married and yada yada, but I know that that isn't plausible to think about. It's bad for my heart. As much as I love you. I know things won't ever be the same again. One thing I always loved about us was that we never gave up on each other and that no matter what we never would...but unfortunately you did. You gave up. And I know that it was me too...but holy crap we gave up. And it cost us a marriage. I'm sorry. I wish with all my heart it wasn't true and how much I miss you is never going to die down.

I miss you.

And I love you David.

Always yours,
Chels

Letters to David

Baby,

Today I am just overwhelmed with how much I miss you. We drove to California today and it was the way that we drove to Cali, twice. I miss you David. So much. As much as I miss you though, I know it will never be the same after this. We will have given each other distance...and with that comes sacrifice and I think for me it is sacrificing a lot more that just time, its sacrificing my feelings for you. I know that I am saying this now, and being away from you does change many things for me. But I know that I need to remember that we both agreed on this and that I need to hold up my end of the bargain.

I emailed your sister today because I am desperate to know how you are doing. She didn't email back, which hurt even more. I knew I shouldn't have emailed her. I know that things aren't going to get better if I just sit here and sulk. But I haven't really sulked yet. I have been too busy, but it is all catching up to me now. We are in San Diego, and I have a pulled muscle, strep throat, and I can't breathe in without coughing, oh! and I have a broken heart (probably the cause for all this sickness in the first place). So I am...to say the least struggling.

I just miss you. I know that you aren't reading these, but for some reasons they make me feel better about what I am feeling. I have been having dreams about you recently, and gosh are they heart wrenching.

Anyway, I love you David. Always will. Even if you do make my body want to weep and then die. I still need you...

But I think I am slowly realizing I don't have to.

Always yours,
Chels