Hi babe,
Well, for a while I was thinking "Okay, I am not going to write or think about him or anything" And I was doing okay there for a while, but ha! did my future lay out something a little different for me. The day you broke it off, a boy from SMYC (the youth camp I did) called me just to talk and make me feel better. I don't think he realized how much I was going through at the time. But now he and I have been talking everyday and he came down and visited me on Friday, and we went on a date. Oh my gosh. I couldn't stop thinking about you David. I missed you more in those moments then I ever thought I would. I know that this probably would make you mad, knowing I am talking to other guys and going on dates with them...but after the date, I came home and my dad was there and he just asked me what the heck I was doing? And ya know? I just broke down and realized that I am doing this to get back at you hun. Get back at you for just not wanting me enough to talk it through, for ignoring me. I also realized that I am doing this because, what you did really took a toll on my esteem. And the boy I had dated before you, you know how awful my esteem was after him. Not for the same reasons, but David, in a way this hurts just as much if not more. I feel so helpless and inadequate. The fact that you can just not have anything to do with me, it makes me ache with pain David, that I don't mean or haven't meant enough to you, that you can just shut it off like a pathetic switch.
Now, these letters may seem a bit harsh and awful. But really? I am okay most of the time. Life still goes on. I am happy when I do the things I know I should. So to be happier, this is my last letter to you David. Everything I feel or am going to feel will be for naught. You aren't ever going to read these and I do not think that you are going to want to put up with me in the future, so this isn't really going along with my theme of making a difference, I love you sweetheart. I really always will. But I may not always need you. I am realizing my potential. I know that I was willing to bring some of my potential, to raise you up. But you weren't willing to receive it, so that is fine with me. I do miss you, all the time, and still think about all that we use to do together. But I know that there is someone out there for both of us, to fulfill our purposes on this earth with. And it may not be each other.
I truly, and sincerely hope that you get what you need out of your life. That you live it to your fullest and not waist one moment of it being stressed, complaining, or just being sad. I whole-heartily believe that you can do anything you want. If you want to be a fireman then be a fireman hun. Don't let money get in your way. You and your wife will still be happy David. I also genuinely know that you can be a dentist. Don't stress so much about it sweetie. It helps nothing. And don't let people tell you that it is okay to stress, cause it is not. It's good to care. There is a big difference. I hope that your wife will be able to help you calm down in those situations. I know that you have astounding things to offer this world David, I've seen them first hand. You love and care passionately for those people you come in contact with, you are the most giving person I have met. Thank you for those things you taught me. The number one thing I am most indebted to you is your patience. It is the thing I am looking for in my future husband, if he has your patience then I will marry him, (unless he's like a mass murder or doesn't like movies haha). But I know that, that is the reason why you stuck around as long as you did. Thank you David.
I love you my sweet, wonderful David Science.
I'm sorry I was not what you were looking for.
Always yours,
Chelisa
Well, for a while I was thinking "Okay, I am not going to write or think about him or anything" And I was doing okay there for a while, but ha! did my future lay out something a little different for me. The day you broke it off, a boy from SMYC (the youth camp I did) called me just to talk and make me feel better. I don't think he realized how much I was going through at the time. But now he and I have been talking everyday and he came down and visited me on Friday, and we went on a date. Oh my gosh. I couldn't stop thinking about you David. I missed you more in those moments then I ever thought I would. I know that this probably would make you mad, knowing I am talking to other guys and going on dates with them...but after the date, I came home and my dad was there and he just asked me what the heck I was doing? And ya know? I just broke down and realized that I am doing this to get back at you hun. Get back at you for just not wanting me enough to talk it through, for ignoring me. I also realized that I am doing this because, what you did really took a toll on my esteem. And the boy I had dated before you, you know how awful my esteem was after him. Not for the same reasons, but David, in a way this hurts just as much if not more. I feel so helpless and inadequate. The fact that you can just not have anything to do with me, it makes me ache with pain David, that I don't mean or haven't meant enough to you, that you can just shut it off like a pathetic switch.
Now, these letters may seem a bit harsh and awful. But really? I am okay most of the time. Life still goes on. I am happy when I do the things I know I should. So to be happier, this is my last letter to you David. Everything I feel or am going to feel will be for naught. You aren't ever going to read these and I do not think that you are going to want to put up with me in the future, so this isn't really going along with my theme of making a difference, I love you sweetheart. I really always will. But I may not always need you. I am realizing my potential. I know that I was willing to bring some of my potential, to raise you up. But you weren't willing to receive it, so that is fine with me. I do miss you, all the time, and still think about all that we use to do together. But I know that there is someone out there for both of us, to fulfill our purposes on this earth with. And it may not be each other.
I truly, and sincerely hope that you get what you need out of your life. That you live it to your fullest and not waist one moment of it being stressed, complaining, or just being sad. I whole-heartily believe that you can do anything you want. If you want to be a fireman then be a fireman hun. Don't let money get in your way. You and your wife will still be happy David. I also genuinely know that you can be a dentist. Don't stress so much about it sweetie. It helps nothing. And don't let people tell you that it is okay to stress, cause it is not. It's good to care. There is a big difference. I hope that your wife will be able to help you calm down in those situations. I know that you have astounding things to offer this world David, I've seen them first hand. You love and care passionately for those people you come in contact with, you are the most giving person I have met. Thank you for those things you taught me. The number one thing I am most indebted to you is your patience. It is the thing I am looking for in my future husband, if he has your patience then I will marry him, (unless he's like a mass murder or doesn't like movies haha). But I know that, that is the reason why you stuck around as long as you did. Thank you David.
I love you my sweet, wonderful David Science.
I'm sorry I was not what you were looking for.
Always yours,
Chelisa
