Trying..

So it is 8 o'clock in the morning and I just got back from going to the Rexburg Temple, and let me tell you guys, I love it there. No matter how I feel I can go and relax even if it's for two mins and then my mind starts going to other things, but even that two mins is enough for me to listen to my Heavenly Father and his will for me at this time.

This particular snowy morning I was sitting in the chapel of the temple after my session, I took out my mini Preach my Gospel and was trying to find a place to take some notes of either my thoughts or some of the things I needed to do today and stumbled upon a letter David had written me. I thought my heart was going to come out my throat. This isn't the first time this has happened, the Lord seems to through him in my face often, daily in fact, but I understand that. So while I was reading this letter he had written me I was almost begging Heavenly Father that we could be...something again. I didn't even care what it was, something that I could have him in my life again. After my cry fest in the chapel I opened my heart, opened my mind, and was willing to do what the Lord wants me to do.

This what my loving Heavenly Father told me to do, to write. To get all of my crap out, and all my frustrations will come to a close. I told him that I will put it in His hands, but if by some awesome circumstance that David might read this and have his heart softened that would be even better, BUT I am not banking on that, and I will still progress, still move forward with my plans and life.

Now that we all know why I am writing, I am going to say a couple things I am struggling with; one I am struggling with not having David in my life. It has snowed here and this time last year I was with him, enjoying the snow, but I know that is the way life goes....but ya know what?? I am not going to say how I should be feeling okay. I feel this way and I just going to say it. I miss David. I miss watching Frozen with him, I miss him talking to me, I miss him pushing me to talk, (cause I haven't since he left), I miss his loving letters everywhere (even though I keep finding them), I miss him being a gentlemen to me. Okay. So that is the David situation.

Now I miss snowboarding. I don't think I'll be able to get to do much this season either but the utter happiness I feel being on the mountain is something I can't express in words.

I miss having a simple life. I miss not having to choose what grad school to go to or whether or not to go to grad school. I miss my mom.

Okay, now I'm done with that. I hope that you all know that I am not bipolar...kinda, I am just trying my hardest to follow my Father in heaven.

I have done my part in writing. I hope that I feel better soon. I'll just keep up the prayers and study. It's the cure to everything right?

Examining Life.

This past week I was able to spend in Phoenix with my horticulture class, and I learned a lot. A lot about myself and what I want to do. A lot about dating cause I was in a minivan with a bunch of single girls and boys the whole week. A lot about the education required for the things I am looking into to pursue as a career. 

But I wanted to write just to tell you some things I've been feeling. I recently have been understanding The Lords timing; that it is something I needed to trust in a long time ago. That my life would've been a lot easier if I had done that. I don't regret anything, but I do hope that I am able to do that for my future. My brother wrote me a letter a couple days ago about dating, and it hit home with me. I hope that people understand that getting married is important and should be done, but the BEST way it will be accomplished is by creating the best person you can be. And the only way we will do that is through Christ's atonement. 

This week I was able to examine my life...my faults and strengths. And the conclusion I have come to is that I am doing good. I can always do better and most certainly will. But I can always work on the things that I know I struggle with. 

I hope that everyone can look at their lives and say that they are doing the best they can for the God they serve and love. I know that I can. If you can't...then work on it, however you feel the need to, just make sure that you are doing it for yourself and your personal relationship with our Father in Heaven because in the end, that is all that will matter. 

David Post.

Sometimes I forget about my therapy session here.

Yet again I am changing, growing, learning, just like all of us. Whether we realize it or not. But the biggest thing I have learned as of late is that life is a good as YOU make it. I think people say that too often without truly realizing what they are saying.

I have had that first part written for a week now, but people I just want to say that I miss David. I miss him...I have no where else to say it. But I am slowly learning and understanding..but I do feel a bit of a wreck since he left my life. David, if you are reading this...remember that there is a part of me that wishes you were in my life still. But that I understand what you are doing. I just hope someday we can some sort of relationship again. I do love you, but would settle just for you to look at me again. I miss those eyes and smile. But I am doing amazing, for the situation I am in, the Lord has blessed me and my life tremendously since that time. I trust Him to help me make the best decision.

David...I miss you.


This was my post for therapy. Thank you.

A List.

I am going to write down some things that have been bringing me joy the past couple months:

Becca Eileen Robinson. I’m not sure if I have ever connected with a person so easily and fast in my life. I am not very good at putting my feelings into words so when I need to tell her how much I love her I will text her, here is just another way of telling you how much you mean to me. Becs, you are magnificent. I hope someday you see what I see. I could literally go on for this whole post about how indebted I am to you for this summer, and how grateful I am to you for your love, kindness, humor, courage, and for sharing a piece of your soul with me, cause I know that for sure you will always have a piece of my soul. Thanks.

Eating good food. We have tried some amazing food while we’ve been in Salt Lake and I am loving every second of it.

My job. I work as a gardener and the love I feel from my Savior everyday for the opportunity I have to work there is a blessing in itself. I remember when I thought I wasn’t going to get it, I always hoped and prayed for the opportunity, sometimes I am not always the best sport, but the people I work with, they will never be forgotten in my memories. I never realized how much I love getting to know people till I have to work 8 hours a day with them.

A call for a date. A guy I work with called me last night to ask me out on a date and it reminded me that chivalry isn’t dead.

Music. Vincent by Don McLean remind me that paintings aren’t just paintings, and people who have problems are still just people with one thing that they eat, sleep, and breathe.

The Infinite Atonement by Tad R. Callister. Has been changing my love for the gospel, and brings me much joy.

Speaking Spanish with my coworker Scotty.

My determination to see past the temporal problems in life.

My sister graduating.

Becca’s brother Schulyer, and his girlfriend Kaylee.

Lagoon

Hope for the future.

I advise you all to write one of these, it helps when times get hard. 

Love.

This post is about love. Again.

The past couple years I have learned a lot about the different kinds of love. I remember when my brother passed away and I wondered why my brother's wife got to decide a lot of things, when she only lived with him for 2 years but we had lived with Joe for 20. Being so upset my mom told me that their love was a lot different then any kind of love we could have given Joe. I understood a little more the love between husband and wife.

Now don't get me wrong I have had my fair share of "romantic interests", but the feeling you get when you give your heart, your all to someone, it isn't like any feeling, or so I have heard. I think I have felt feelings to that effect, more so recently then any other time in my life.

The phrase "I love you" is very interesting, it has become more prevalent in the world (at least the people I associate with). I say this phrase to many people. I remember growing up having people comment on the fact that I would tell that to many people, and I remember thinking...well isn't that a good thing? I thought we were suppose to love everyone that. Well once I started actually falling in love, not just loving them as a person, I felt sort of bad saying it so often, so I tried to slow it down and wouldn't tell as many people I loved them. Not one of my best ideas. I have since broken that habit and now am very happy telling everyone I love them. The people who love me back, truly, will know why I say what I say. And will know the type of love I mean for them. I was having a conversation with a friend of mine and I asked him if it was alright if I said I love you to him and he said that love can be expressed many different ways, mine are verbally and I say it in a way that the recipient of my affection should know how I mean this meaningful phrase.

I dated a guy who knows when I love him and when I am annoyed. He is the best at determining everything about me. He reads me like a book, but honestly he is the best guy I ever dated. I learn about love from him, that I didn't have to like someone to love them, that I really could be loved unconditionally, and love someone unconditionally. In the movie, Moulin Rouge, I believe the best quote ever written was said in that movie: "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return". This quote has been my theme my whole life. I am very grateful to that boy I dated. I am still learning about love from him. That it is NOT by any means easy, but that makes it much more worth our time and energy when it is hard.

I watched a dumb chick flick a couple days ago with my cousin, who has a very similar relationship with her husband that I do with David, and there was a line in the movie, these two girls are arguing about love and it goes like this: "Hailey: And I know there's a reason why everybody wants it so much. Aquamarine: And what's that? Hailey: It's the closest thing we have to magic." The closest to magic huh? I agree completely Hailey. Now overcome your fear of the water and tell Aqua you love her so that her crazy dad doesn't take her away from her true love Raymond! Okay, I'll calm down.

Seriously though people love is something to think about, everyday. It is something we have been very blessed with on this earth. Thank those around you for the love the give you. Even if it's weird. Oh and tell your mom you love her too. She's the best. But David shout out to you, Thank you for teaching me how to love again. I hope you know I want to marry you someday. I love you. 

Easter Morn.

Hello all, I have been kind of steering this blog towards things in my life that mean the most to me during that time. And during this time it is my beliefs. I know that all of you aren't members of my church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), and you don't all believe the things that I do. But this morning, this easter morning, is very special, and should be to every human being. This is the morning when Jesus Christ broke the bands of death and on the third day arose. It is the morning when the Atonement was completely fulfilled and perfect. This morning is a time to rejoice. To thank our Brother Jesus Christ and our Father in Heaven for this magnificent plan. Because of Him I am able to marry someone in the temple for eternity, not just till "death do us part" but forever. I am also able to have my family now, my future kids, their kids, and so on, forever. This is something that God knew would bring us much joy in this life and would make it easier through the hard times. I believe that this weekend, many years ago, Christ suffered on the cross and in Gethsemane, was mocked, bruised, scorned, betrayed, denied, rejected, reviled, spit on, crucified, and died for me. This was all done so when we all are going through our trials in life we can hear Christ say "I know how you feel. I have felt it before, and you will be alright." We all should know, and take comfort that through and because of Jesus Christ our sins shouldn't be so hard. The Lord will lift us.



And because of that promise I will live for and because of Jesus Christ.

A Gift.

Brothers and sisters, today I speak very plainly and precisely on a subject that is very near to my heart. Over the past few months I have grown to gain one of the strongest testimonies I possess on this subject. The biggest and most influential act of service ever done is that of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

            I want to start my talk by sharing what James E. Faust said about the atonement in his talk given in October 2001. “I wish to speak about the greatest event in all history. That singular event was the incomparable Atonement of our Lord and Savior, Jesus the Christ. This was the most transcendent act that has ever taken place, yet it is the most difficult to understand.” I hope that today I am able to clear up some misunderstandings or just naivetés of the Atonement our Lord has given to us. But I will only be able to hit on a few key points of the Atonement as it will and does take a lifetime to fully comprehend this miraculous gift.

            I am attending school at BYU-Idaho and was in a time of great turmoil and grief.  Searching for answers, I attended the Tuesday devotional with a heavy heart.  I began to feel peace as I partook of the spirit there in the devotional.  The speaker was Brother Reed Stoddard, the head of the Counseling Center there at BYU-Idaho. He shared the poem, “The Road is Rough” which helped me to gain some of the insights into the road I was currently on:

                     “The road is rough I said, dear Lord,
                                        There's stones that hurt me so;
                                   And he said, dear child I understand,
                                               I walked it long ago...
                                    But there is a cool green path I said,
                                         Let me walk there for a time;
                                     No child He gently answered me,
                                       The green road does not climb.

                         My burden I said is far too great,
                                               How can I bear it so?
                                  My child, said he, I remember its weight,
                                         I carried my cross you know.
        But, I said, I wish there were friends with who would make my way their own,
                         Oh yes, he said, Gethsemane was hard to face alone.

                         And so I walked that stony path
                                                 Content to know,
                                   That where my master had not gone,
                                            I would not need to go...

                    And strangely then I found my friends,
                                           The burden grew less sore,
                                  As I remembered long ago, that He had
                                           Walked that way before…

After hearing this poem I was struck by the unfathomable love our Father in Heaven has for us, each individual is known and loved by our creator.

To show His love, Heavenly Father sent—with a willing heart—His son Jesus Christ to bring to pass the ultimate act of love ever performed by any being to ever be live on this eart—that act being the Atonement. One insight I have gained this semester is that Christ, while on the cross, while in agonizing torment, had the antidote of His distress right in front of Him.  The misery, and heartache He was being put through was all a choice. He chose to do this for His Father, and for His brothers and sisters - Christ chose to go through all of that for you and for me.

In Alma 7:12 it reads, “And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.” Brother Stoddard went on to say there is very little mention of Christ suffering for our sin, but that Christ came to suffer adversity, to be able to relate to our lives and lift us up if we but turn to Him and ask for His help.

Another amazing insight I have attained from the last three months of studying is that of the truthfulness of Christ truly suffering our adversity so that he might be able to lift us up. In Alma 62:41 it reads, “But behold, because of the exceedingly great length of the war between the Nephites and the Lamanites many had become hardened, because of the exceedingly great length of the war; and many were softened because of their afflictions, insomuch that they did humble themselves before God, even in the depth of humility.” This verse talks about those who understand and use the atonement and those who do not. I have been able to experience this principle in my life first hand:

My second week of attending BYU-Idaho, after meeting many new people, and experiencing the excitement of living on my own, I was sitting in my Book of Mormon class and received a phone call from my father. I hadn’t talked to my family nearly as much as I should’ve since being at school, but I had an overwhelming feeling to take the call. My dad informed me of an accident my brother Joe had been in.  He had inadvertently overdosed on some illicit drugs and was in the hospital in critical condition. A couple of weeks later my brother passed from this life. In the midst of this event the Atonement was very prevalent in my life – even though I did not notice it at the time.  I did not comprehend everything I was going through - the feelings I felt, all the tender mercies I was receiving at the hand of my Father in Heaven, the blessings of my brother Tanner who was currently serving a mission, my friends, my parents, my little sister and many more -- I didn’t truly grasp that what I was seeing was the Atonement in action.

I do remember, however, talking to my dad about the event, and hearing him say, “Chelsea, don’t let this harden you.” My dad had always seen me as a light-hearted, happy girl. I had never truly agreed with him, but on reflection of his words and hearing these words in Alma I knew that at that point I could become hardened because “of the length of the war” or I could be come softened because of my afflictions.  It was then I understood a little more fully the effects of the Atonement and what it has meant in my life, especially in my times of trouble.

Normally when we think of The Atonement our first thoughts are that of sins and the wiping clean of our souls.  While this is very true, there is so much more to the Atonement then just an “easer of sin”. Although Christ did go through all so that we might live with Him and our Father again, He also took on the Atonement because He wanted us to be able to be happy along the way. In a talk given by Elder Jeffery R. Holland to mission presidents he said that through our struggles, if we but stand strong in our faith and be true, we will be able to stand shoulder to shoulder with the best life has ever known and the only pure and perfect missionary that ever lived. We have every reason to stand tall brothers and sisters, the Atonement has given us that reason, that hope and faith, it has given us everything.

In Mosiah 14:11 it reads, “He shall see the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied; by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many; for he shall bear their iniquities.” These words of Isaiah follow that of verses talking about the crucifixion and the ghastly afflictions inflicted upon Christ. I love that it says that Christ’s knowledge will only justify “many”.  I believe this is Isaiah telling us of the importance of our true faith in Christ, that His pure Atonement will only save you if you but let Him. I, Chelsea Applegate, can with full intent in Jesus Christ say that I am going to try with all my heart, might, mind and strength to fulfill my destiny upon this earth.  I know with all confidence that I will accomplish this task through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and that I need it everyday, all day. I know that my afflictions and adversities were already felt and conquered and that I am very capable of overcoming any obstacle put in my path because of the sacrifice. I am deeply grateful that I do not have to walk a path that my brother, Jesus Christ, hasn’t already walked.

Brothers and sisters, Tad R. Callister in The Infinite Atonement put it very well when he said, “The Atonement of Jesus Christ outweighs, surpasses, and transcends every other mortal event, every new discovery, and every acquisition of knowledge, for without the Atonement all else in life is meaningless.” I know this church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, is true. I know that without my Father in Heaven sending the most beloved brother I had, down to this earth I wouldn’t know anything of this earth. I am grateful for my struggles because without them I would never be able to attain the presence of my Father, and I would never be able to see Christ face to face, fall at His feet and thank him mercilessly for the act of the Atonement for me and my family. I say these things humbly in the name of Jesus Christ, my ultimate example and friend, Amen.