Life is Precious

Hello. Yet again my life has been changed. I have been feeling under the weather recently but you wouldn't know that from how I come off cause I keep cool and composed, and I have always remained like this ever since I can remember. I know that things for me have been easy, but everything is relative. I know that I have been blessed and that I have more things than some people dream of. But really? I mean sometimes life just throws big wads of crap right at your face and you are forced to just take it.

Today I learned of a suicide in neighboring town, I first heard about this death from my mom because they had called her in search of a picture I guess we had taken of him a few days before he died. Then I found out an hour later that it was a friend of our family. He was my little sister's first crush and I had talked to him and his older brother so many times. He was a good friend I had thought, and a good, happy boy. But I guess things aren't what they seem. And what an awful way to find these things out. This was a huge disgusting piece of crap that was flung at me square in the face. I had been reading this book called Thirteen Reasons Why, It's about this girl named Hannah who kills herself and send thirteen tapes to the people who helped her get to the point of killing herself, and now as I read I think to myself...how many kids does this happen to? What do they do about it? How do they cope with their pain? And the most important question I should ask is what can I do about it? I know that I shouldn't blame myself or anyone else for a death. They choose in the end. But people rely on other people too much. From Facebook, to reading magazines, to movies, TV shows, just immersing ourselves in other people's reality's that we forget to look around at all the is going on around us. All that we can do.

Daniel was a great kid. From what I knew of his parents and home life I would say it was just like mine, and knowing that really scares me. Knowing that a kid in the same predicament as me could actually be capable of taking his own life...But what if he wasn't and no one knew about it? What if he didn't open up to anyone and felt completely alone having the horrible things in life just stick out in his mind and have him forget all the good things that I'm sure were there cause I had seen them with my own eyes. What do you do then? How do you fix something like this?

In my religion I know without a doubt in my mind that I am going to see everyone who dies again. I know it. I know that when I die that I will see my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, and my Grandparents, and their grandparents, and My friend. I know this. But how do I know that all of his loved ones do? How do you comfort them?

Life...its something precious. I know he knew that. And sometimes bad things happen. But from what I know about life..is that it goes on. No matter how much you think you can't go on there is always someone that will help you.

I will never forget that.

Remember, to the world you may be just one person, but to just one person you may be the world.

Inanimate Objects.

It's getting colder! Oh my, it is wonderful! Well I chopped off my hair recently, and when I say chopped I mean chopped 17 inches I gave away to locks of love. It was a really good feeling at first I was a bit shocked after growing that out for two whole years I felt like I was cutting a piece of me off...but then I was thinking, no its not. Its just dead cells on my head that will grow back cause my hair is a beast. Huge and thick. Won't curl. Won't straighten completely without being all statiticy the rest of the day. Its ok though, cause I do love my hair.

Isn't that weird how we human's get attached to things that..really in the whole scheme of things mean absolutely nothing. The things I am attached to I have shared a bond with, either because they represent something or someone. Like my record player for instance, I love that thing so much because first of all its a record player! so legit. and second it belonged to a wonderful women who meant a lot to me, my grandmother. Also it originally went to my brother who I also love and admire so there are two people tied into an inanimate object. My bed is next, I absoultely love my bed. I love the creeks it makes when I crawl in and out of it. I love the comforter I have on it that hasn't just kept me warm but has given me hope and comfort in times when I needed it. My room. For all the things I have gone through in it. Sneaking out, (not the best but kids will be kids), freaking out in it, cause of something someone said/did. My snowboard. Its a symbol of the one thing in life I love with all my heart. Everything about snowboarding is just perfect. Some of my clothes. There are those shirts that you would wear everyday cause the guy you liked told you that was his favorite or you just got a lot of compliments the day you wore it. The pants that make you butt look just right. A stuffed animal that reminds you of old times. I have a lot of those (don't judge you know you do too, and you can't bring yourself to get rid of them). All the memorabilia that I have collected over my years of life. which hang on my wall and remind me of good times. My house. Things have happened here that I will never forget. My grandma's house. She use to call it Conci. Cause it was a condominian and she would refer to it as her conscience, after her wonderful husband passed away. So many great times were spent in ol' Conci. Something you create, especially if you are very proud of it. Like a project for school or just something you drew or made up and was very proud of. You feel very attached to them and would only give them to people who meant a lot to you, or the person you made it for. They may never understand how much it meant to you but you will.

All these things are just inanimate objects and will eventually not be there anymore and yet...sometimes they are the things that keep me going. Why is that? Why do we put so much into them? You know. I really have no idea. I don't think it matters. We do it..and always will. Maybe that will be something I ask when I die. (I need to make a list of that). But I am glad we have them. Very glad. I think they are there to remind us of the memories we make with them. Cause when we die, we are taken nothing with us except our knowledge. So why not refresh it every once and a while.

So thanks inanimate objects that help me get through life. Your the best.

Enduring.

So you know those days that you just feel sad? Well, my mom and I decided that I "thrive on sadness" and why you ever would just want to be sad baffles me. I have my beliefs on why we are here as we all do. and I know what I know is right as do most people but really? Must we be so mean about our beliefs? In high school (which it seems like everything boils down to at least for me), things for people is the end of the world. For those people out there who say they don't care. Your just kidding yourselves people, if you didn't care about anything then you would never be seen, cause even a bum cares about something like getting money for..that next beer or meal. So I guess you need to specify about what you don't care about. I was reading these quotes today, and you know that feeling when your just starting to like a person, and you can't get them out of your head..? If people cared like that about everything the world be such a better place! Now think back on this last week. Was it good? and what does good mean to you? productive? Did you get what you wanted done? What would you have done differently. I was very pleased with my last week probably cause we didn't have the hell hole we call school on friday so my mother and I went to Utah to do something a lot more productive, babysit my little cousins. We did service for my family. And how much more satisfaction I got out of that was astronomical, Life is to be enjoyed not endured. -Gordan B Hinkley said that. He was an amazing man, and I'm sure he looked back on most of his life and was happy that he didn't just endure those moments but enjoyed them. Lets enjoy our life people. Don't get caught up in the moments that you must endure, cause you have no other options. Try your hardest all anyone could ask.

Happiness

Why is happiness so contagious? Its freakion great. What kind of person dosen't want to be happy? A person who needs to be shot. Thats all I wanted to say.

Fear

So I have been thinking a lot recently, about so many things. Have you ever been just having like a bad day, one after the other? Well, I kinda feel like that has been happening, but then something good happens to me and I don't freak out as much as I did. I know that my life is so much better than people's in Japan right now, My house is intact (now if I want to be in it is a different story), I have a family (and do they bug me sometimes/all the time? Yes.), I have a wonderful family who does support me..most of the time, but there are those little things that happen to you and you feel like the world is going to all come tumbling down right on top of you, and fear, fear is what scares us the fear of losing one of those things, fear of being alone, fear of being rejected, fear of whatever may scare the crap out of you. But for me, I think my biggest fear is and always will be, being alone. Not just physically, cause I'm alone all the time, no I'm talking about when you are mentally alone. Thinking that if you never returned, (heaven forbid) that no one would miss you if you left, I think that would be the worst feeling in the world, but I may be wrong different people have different thoughts on the worst feeling. When I was a kid, I use to have bad dreams that I would get kidnapped from my family, and it would scare me out of my mind to the point when I was afraid to go to bed at night, I knew that nothing would happen to me, but still scared me thinking about it. Just not being close to the people I loved scared me the most. I heard once in the "Advise to the Class of '99" that you should wear sunscreen, but also it said to do something everyday that scares you. I remember thinking now why would I do that? Who wants to be scared, so from then on I tried it but after a while it was hard to find things that I was afraid of, I then realized that is why he said that, conquering your fears is something that everyone should do everyday. The world would become unimaginable. But the key is to find something of a worthy cause to master, and when that happens the world won't have a choice but to get better. Fear, can engulf every fiber of your being. It can just over take every aspect of your life. Its really a quite powerful tool, and I think that is why people need to learn how to harness it by doing good. Fear is a good thing if used correctly, if you have no fear, and you just go for everything, your life will come to an end much quicker than someone who's life was thought through and such. Lets take fear of being rejected for an example. I think the most important thing is to not let them see you down. Let them know that what they did to you didn't affect them in the least. You are the, not the bigger person exactly, but you are the person who will, go farther who can do more for the world. Someone who will be the next president of your chess club, your church, the united states. Someone who can control the emotions we are blessed with is someone who will one day become great human beings. Even if they are just in charge of their own children those children will learn something from them, and they will teach their children who will teach their children and so on. It's a never ending cycle that we all live in. The Circle Of Life. Its so worth all the trouble from that one person from that one rejection. Just do it! Things will change people!

Ladies/ Valentines Day

Billy Joel is a master of music! I have just recently become in love with the song "And So It Goes", it is a work of art. but one of the reasons I love this song so much probably because while my grandma was in the hospital about a month ago my uncle played this while we were in the hospital..

This post is going to be about people we love. I thought it would be appropriate seeing as valentines was recently..which by the way this years didn't suck..it wasn't the best but it didn't suck I think it was cause I didn't go to school on account of me being so sick that if I had been hit by a train numerous times I wouldn't have felt a difference. But I did attend school for two class periods however, choir which I got a little cupcake and a nice card, and I also went to my stats class which I had a test in and I was prepared for, so I was determined to take meds or stay awake until after this test! But the whole time during this test I couldn't read the paper without this force coming from the paper through my eye sockets and pushing hard on my brain keeping me from reading the words and comprehending what they were trying to tell me..so the test didn't go as well as hoped for but I did it! Also during this test I had to listen to my teacher flirt hardcore with this personal translator for a deaf boy in my class (what are those people called?) talking about how she fell "hard on her butt" trying to snowboard I'm not going to admit it wasn't entertaining but very distracting to my already falling apart brain. Then in between the poundings in my head and the teacher practically throwing herself at Caleb (thats the signer's name, he will probably be in future stories so just a heads up), my teacher says there is something for me in the office, thinking that its just like my counselor or something dumb like that I go into the office and there sits these pretty flowers and fudge, my loving mommy, brothers and dad had thought of me on this wonderful day, the card said "get well quick!" Aw, you gotta love the supportive family. (My dad thinks I'm going to flunk out of the 11th grade, I just think its cause he wants me to live at the house forever and drive him crazy or just to have someone to go boarding with). but yes, I then proceeded to run back to my classroom to finish my test and get the heck out of that stinkin place! So yes that was my Valentines day, not a bad one I must say(; not like one year, oh my! That's another story another time..

Now that I have rambled, back to the original reason for this post. People I love. Well, recently I lost one of the influential ladies in my life. My Grandma, Janice Bassett, She was probably the coolest grandma you will ever meet in your life. For example, my family is big. So my grandma would throw camps for just the grandchildren which she would name "Camp Grandma". We would do many things like the following: get a dollar from grandma and get anything we want, from the dollar store which through a kids eye is a major score! We would all sleep at grandma's house girls with girls and guys with guys. She would give us these games that she wanted us to do and they were wild..like gymnastic type games. See if you could like bend your body all out of proportion, and ever since that Camp Grandma those papers have been on her wall cause when something goes on grandma's wall it then meant something and wouldn't get taken down. It was nice to know that what you did was worth the trouble, cause you knew grandma would appreciate it no matter what. She was always down to play a game, the lady definitely knew how to party.

To Be Continued..

No sun.

So I'm sitting here listening to music and I thought it would be a good day to write someone brought up my blog a couple days ago and I thought it would be a good idea to write..so here we go. I haven't been very happy these past few months..I just kinda feel like I should be doing something or I feel like I shouldn't be doing anything. I have always had these "passions" that I love and lately I feel like they mean nothing to me anymore..like I shouldn't be doing it. Then I think to myself what the heck am I thinking? (you guys ever feel like that?). Well when this happens I usually just think to my self that I need to just snap out of it and get back on track, watch an inspirational movie or listen to something that would give me some sort of purpose. I have been trying to get my life back on track lately and I think the best place to start is the home. I haven't been the best daughter/sister, but I try my hardest. I think to myself sometimes that what would be different if I didn't have these parents/sisters/brothers/friends etc. I know that it would be different. but would it be a different life I would be living or would I still have some of the same things? I guess you will never know. I had this dream last night that my friend cut off my hair. It was a nightmare. I was seriously freakin out when I woke up. Dreams and me haven't been getting along to well lately either.

I love days when there is no sun for days..and you just curl up on your couch watch your christmas tree twinkle with hot chocolate. I think there are some things to live for and I know that is one of them.